Harold insisted :)

Since this year July 4th falls on a Friday and July 5th falls on a Saturday, Jon and I decided to spend that weekend in Baltimore. Yes I know it's a little bit silly (just a little) when we're so close but I remember the unending marathon of 2006 when it was so very hard to get OUT of Baltimore after fireworks. With a hotel room, this won't happen. We're also staying in a lovely lil area 1/2 between Fells Point and The Inner Harbor -- Little Italy.

Yes pictures will be taken. These are the photos from July 4 2006.

Besides, I've been to The Capitol for July 4th celebrations and frankly I think Baltimore is more user friendly and has much nicer fireworks displays. When faced with the lovely idea of a 3 day weekend and where to celebrate Independence Day AND my birthday it really was a no brainer.

Of course Harold insisted I let it be known -- in case anybody happens to wander up Baltimore way and wants to say hi.

We may do a tour, we might do another visit to Poe House (which I've not photographed before), we may just wander around Fells Point and Little Italy -- the plans are deliberately loose. We don't have to get a spot and be locked in (ala The Capitol last I was there) and hey if it rains (which less than friendly people have taunted me with) then by damned it rains.

It's not like we'll melt or anything .....

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The photo above is from July 4, 2006, (Inner Harbor Baltimore) where I found that allllll day plus hours getting out afterwards rather takes the joy out of the excursion ;)

Harold's Blog

wait? Harold's blog?

As a matter of fact .....

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In all honesty, this blog (with it's rather oddish title) was at Harold's back during the hightime glory days of Y!360. Sometimes things just wanted to be put on paper -- ok well in cyberspace anyway -- that wasn't of a social blogging nature.

This was it.

Later it was where I started working through the multiple illnesses with Mom and Jon's diagnosis. Here is where I said the things that could -- and probably would -- get me blasted on the more social platforms.

In a desperate attempt to re-woo my picky muse, I'm converting this back to "Harold's blog". It won't have angst (maybe snark though - he is a snarky lil bugger), it might have poetry (or prose) and more than likely more photos. Those are still Harold's favorite mode of expression.

On That Note: have you ever just watched the hands of a gifted magician? No no no -- NOT to catch how he or she does the 'trick'. I'm talking about the grace of movement of sleight of hand. It's rather a ballet in and of itself.

Haven't noticed? Take a look sometime. Remember, magic is where you find it -- you have only to take a moment to notice.

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The photo above is from Virginia Renaissance Faire 2007. Sometimes it's the little things you find in the out of the way places that bring the most joy. For such a small faire it's truly one of our favourites.

A series of partially related thoughts:

subtitled One Too Many Blogs

I took that picture last year of Mom's roses. She insisted we simply MUST have tea roses in front of the house. I'm not exactly a rose person. However I caved and we planted them. When she fell ill in January and into February, I made mention that I hoped she'd be able to see them bloom this year. She didn't make it that long. I'm still sorting out the mess she had made with her name (and the multiple name changes), with some property she sold on contract, and the lack of a will. She is still currently residing on her dresser in her old room because no action feels quite right: everything I consider doing with her ashes seems wrong. I guess when in doubt do nothing eh? Sometimes that is the best solution. Other times .....

We recently had to do a medication change for Jon. He and the Mirapex had MAJOR issues. Ignoring it did not make it go away either. I blogged about it on Life's Little Ironies - I won't go into it here except to say thank goodness that part is partially fixed. Now to wait on a fix for Parkinsons.

Speaking of Life's Little Ironies - Wordpress currently apprears to be my main blog. I had it hidden for a while but then decided why not eh? I still cannot quite get back on the social networking merry-go-round. I try and try and it just seems like too much work. Actually quite a bit of life seems like too much.

Which leads me to this: unless I feel markedly better in the next few weeks, I think I will visit my physician regarding anti-depressants. Actually I've had clinical depression before. This doesn't feel like it. This feels more like the PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) I had back in 1991 only I don't freak when it rains. It just feels like everyone is moving 100 mph and I'm moving about 35 and I wake up in the middle of the night with my mind racing over all the things that simply must be done. However I can't link this feeling to one event. Then again there's been quite a lot of chaos in my life in the last 6 months from Mom's stroke, illness, cancer diagnosis and death to Jon's Parkinson's diagnosis, to issues with his mother's estate ... it definitely hasn't been quiet and calm.

Which leads me back full circle to Mother's roses. We lost one of them. Sort of symbolic yes? I will replant with a red one - she would've liked that.

Photo above was taken just before the April snowstorm 2007

Staking my claim

I am hereby reclaiming my life.

I cannot choose how others act but I can choose how I re-act to their actions.

I cannot always choose the circumstances, but I can choose to adapt to them.

I have the power over how I feel.

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I've been slacking off recently, not going to the gym and not watching what I eat, all in the guise of "well I've been depressed." Guess what? That's Bullshit. Yes some things have happened recently. Some of them have been posted here. Some have been posted elsewhere. Some just conveyed quietly to friends. Still other things I have been quietly attempting to deal with on my own.

So yes it sucks - majorly - many of the things that have happened in the last few years. However, I have my health, I have my job, and dammit I have my choices.

Henceforth, I will be responsible for myself and my choices.

I choose:

• To watch what I eat, when I eat and more importantly what I eat
• To excercise with some semblence of regularity because it makes ME feel good
• To attempt to learn a new task or skill each day
• To live without the actions of other affecting my behaviour
• To live without fear or regret
• To understand that Jon's disease is just that - his disease and his responsibility
• To focus on the positive
• To understand each new day is just that - a new day; a new beginning.

So that's that. Sometimes it just has to be said. Sometimes it has to be read.
Sometimes it just has to be.
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I took the photo above last year in Washington. The city squirrels are afraid of nothing. That chutzpah is something I rather admire. Perhaps I should take a page from their book eh?

Why is it 3:30 in the a.m.?

...and what am I not in bed?

The answer to that is simple: snoring. Mine? no.

It's been just my fortune to not only have a spouse with Parkinson's but one who snores and snores LOUD. Loud enough that when I'm upstairs with the door shut and the television on I can still hear him. In bed? Oh please.

Sometimes I almost expect the neighbors to call.

So I'm often up and awake at ungodly hours because I cannot bring myself to forbid him his bed. I'm often up and awake because the noisy darlin just can't seem to understand how loud he is. After begging for years for a sleep study, I've finally given up and simply greet the dawn with a yawn instead of a smile.

Yes it's 3:30 a.m. and now it's coffee time -- dawn is just around the corner.

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the photo above is from Spoutwood Farm in Pennsylvania home of the PA Fairie Festival. The early morning mist reminds me of dawn breaking in the mountains.

...but you don't really?

do you?

I often have Yahoo Messenger up and running while I'm at work. It's quite simple: we have offices in multiple states. I work at corporate. Therefore there are times when it's easiest -- and best -- to communicate with the branch offices via IM rather than email or phone.

The downside to this is the trolls that sometimes wander up on YIM.

Often I get the typical "hello gorgeous" (which is funny because my profile doesn't have a picture) or "whachooo doin" (working) or any number of ordinary pickup lines. However the braver ones try to get an entre by commenting on the music I listen to (which is reflected on messenger). Most often it's highly critical.

Most common is the argument of "but you don't really listen to that do you?" "No really?" "Nobody listens to classical music."

I do.

I find it soothing to listen to at work. Yes sometimes I have classic rock and sometimes smooth jazz but the most often is yes - classical.

Maybe that is what separates the men from the boys - or in this case, the true music lovers from those who just want background noise. You'll find that those of us who love music, those of us who love it enough to minor in it in college and take classes, listen to the masters often. We enjoy the beauty, the peace, the magic of the great works. Some of us prefer opera. Others of us prefer Baroque but not opera, rather symphonies. Some prefer chamber music, others embrace the Russian composers. I have a strong leaning toward the Sturm and Drang movement of the Classical era. In fact The Classical Era is my favorite era of music as well as some of the Late Baroque and Early Romantic Eras.

Bonus? I've found a great way to rid myself of the trolls. They tend to rapidly retreat, no doubt licking their confused wounds, when I attempt to explain to them that Ave Maria is not "Classical" music but is in fact Baroque signified by the .... and that's about the time they chime in with Thank you bye !

hehehe

SCORE !

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the photo taken above is one of the follies at the Pennsylvania Fairie Festival.

Sometimes it's just another day

No I don't subscribe to the whole Mother's Day being a Hallmark Holiday. However, sometimes it *is* just another day.

Last year we took Mom to Rusty Scupper for Mother's Day Brunch. Mother's Day was a big thing to her. Let's be honest: any day where she got flowers and candy and taken out to eat was a big thing to her. Last year Robert lived here.

This year Mom is gone. This year Robert is in Virginia working and with the price of gasoline I can easily see him not coming to visit. This year Montana is apparently (at least according to the ex) too busy all day long to call.

This year it's just another day.

Yesterday we did our out-to-eat at The Cheesecake Factory. That way we're not fighting the crowds today. Yesterday we did our visit to The Mall in Columbia, again so we're not fighting the crowds today. Jon and I are both rather pragmatic. On present days we simply take each other to go purchase what we wish. He has taught me that part of the joy is in watching me pick and choose. Of the plunder yesterday were a great pair of canvas peep toe sling back sandals, a bright red purse, and some rather lovely pieces of silver jewelry.

Today I am working on organizing the garb and turning Mom's old room into the garb room. Today I am moving around her furniture: some to stay in the room to be used, some to be moved to other places in the house. Today I am going through her jewelry another time to find homes for some of it and through her pictures to get them sent to friends and family.

Just another day.

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I took that photo last year on Mother's Day of Rusty Scupper.