To blog or not to blog

or more appropriately which platform among the many to use?

I was a loyal 360 blogger for near to 2 years (from October of 05). One of my more successful endeavours (The Friday Five on 360) was either hacked or lost through Yahoo bugs. Either way it was there one day and gone the next after weeks of inability to access.

The 360 crowd were there and then there and then there and now some are back there awaiting a new Universal Profile (ala Mash?) due to come sometime next spring.

Others of the 360 crowd headed over to Multiply.

Soon the new 360 was Multiply and as such the bugs started, the problems started, the drama started.

So I posted on my Multiply blog (yes I have one) that I am getting off the merry go round. The social networking sites are fine but once you get started it can become near an obligation. The drama starts. The friending/defriending/threats to leave etc starts.

The headaches start.

Then it's oh so easy to forget *why* you blog. Some do blog for the sole purpose of others reading. Some blog to pass information to others. Some blog to make a statement and others still chronicle their lives through words and pictures.

I blog simply because Harold likes to talk sometimes. Simple. For any people who might not know, Harold is my muse. Sometimes he's creative. Often he's funny. Even more often he's wickedly sarcastic and a bit intolerant (wait - that last one is me). Mostly he's the little voice that begs to write knowing full well that I'm better with numbers than words.

Why do I blog?

Because I can't not blog.

In search of Zen ....

...or at the very least some form of balance.

I said before that my anchor was gone. That's not entirely correct - I seem to always have an anchor. Maybe I'm self-anchoring? It's more like my 'balance' has been disturbed (for lack of a better term). In a strange way to visualize it, picture if someone reached into your aura and just gave it a quick stir. The colors aren't balanced; the energy is off.

Someone mentioned "I wonder which gods YOU pissed off". That led to a rather lively discussion with Jon about the fact that mine and his have both developed a sense of the macabe - perchance there's a 3rd? Harold was pleased at that thought.

Perhaps though ... just possibly ... this is a cue to re-embrace my (our?) spirituality. It gets interesting however since we're in a mixed marriage - Wiccan/Christian (I'll let you figure out which one is which) but we also support each others individual beliefs so it works.

To quote a rather more famous muse: "...it doesn't matter what you have faith in, just that you have faith." Serendipity//Dogma I like that.

----a quick note about this blog: this one is mostly for me. As such it won't make much sense ... anymore sense in fact than it's name which yes Harold chose.

An unusual state of mind

Or should that be an unusual state of mine?

I all but closed my main blog on 360. I felt I needed to focus my attention and time on Jon. Also, I found it quite difficult to blog to readers about anything when the thing in the forefront of my mind still is his condition and how we're coping.

I still cry when I talk about it.

...but I digress.

Anyway, I got a few unhappy people after I removed all but 13 (including my alternate) from my friends list and locked my blog and quickies to friends only. I did that so that when Jon is comfortable talking about what is wrong (if ever) I will have that blog for moral support as it were.


I know there will be a parallel drawn for many but to me it's not the same. Either way that is the way it is pretty much. Mine is a choice for a different reason: currently that diagnosis affects literally everything I think about. I am a plan for the future kinda gal. I'm finding myself rethinking EVERYTHING.

I hope this too passes with time.

I hope the driving desire to go to ground like a small wounded animal also passes with time.

I hope one day the tears pass.

I hope one day the tears cease because I've come to grips with this - not because there are literally no more tears left to shed.