Harold let me borrow his blog for a bit .....

Just some thoughts on things on this day after my beloved's 57th birthday.

I used to have man who didn't like me.

He said he would if I did more, worked harder, if I knew what I did wrong.

He wanted more things, more displays, more of something that simply wasn't Stephanie.

He didn't like Stephanie.

He blamed me for things beyond my control.

He wanted things that were not in my control to give.

He took my smallest accomplishments and took credit for them thus negating my role.

He took my larger accomplishments and said "see what I did - you couldn't have done it without ME"

Everything was his.  Nothing was mine.

Whatever I did wasn't enough, wasn't right, wasn't what he wanted.

When I would ask what he wanted, he normally told me if I didn't know he wouldn't tell me.

He would get angry and withhold affection for the smallest slight - real or imagined.

When I finally realized that in that 13 years he was saying "I don't like YOU"  I left.

He still doesn't like me and still blames me for things great and small.

He still takes credit for my paltry accomplishments and claims them as his own.

He still doesn't like me.  He still doesn't like himself.

I now have a man who praises my smallest efforts.

I now have a man who doesn't make fun of me and call me fat.

I now have man who is proud of me regardless of what I do.

I now have a man who talks to me not at me.

I now have a man who doesn't care how I look but rather how I feel.

I now have a man secure enough to trust and love without thought of compensation or return.

I now have a man who loves me for who I am - faults and all - and continually tells me.

He doesn't berate, withhold affection, or demand more in exchange for civility.

I now have someone who I can spend my life with.

And for that I will be eternally grateful.

thank you Harold for letting me borrow your blog.  The sentiments are mine but the words - as always - are yours.