Pieces of memories not recalled, portions of the past forgotten.
My mother's first husband recently contacted me to tell me his wife had passed away. Much like myself, he is without family. Much unlike me, he is without children (now) or spouse.
I have memories of him from back before kindergarten. Memories of a laughing man who was bigger than life but always fun and was always nice. Not all of my mother's men were nice. Some were mean. Some were worse. It got to where I preferred the ones who ignored me.
Husband #1 was different. When he arrived it was like Christmas and The 4th of July rolled into one. Later years I realized that some of that was because that was what mother wanted. Little did she realize through countless marriages that she ditched the one and only man willing to accept her on her terms.
He accepted me on mine as well.
While I wonder often about the term soul mates, these two were as close to it as possible for their fragmented, broken lives. They divorced before I was born, she married my father, he married a woman who was pregnant with his child. She married and divorced countless more times.
His wife just passed away. I know his thoughts even though he didn't convey them: that he wished that Mom could have held on long enough for them to have a 2nd chance.
That's the problem though: so often in life there are no second chances. Nobody's life comes with a guarantee -- or an expiration date. You live life to the fullest and if you're going to go through it wrecking relationships always in search of the right one -- and looking the wrong places -- maybe it's just best to cash it in and say "hey you're the right one. let's get this show on the road before we leave more bodies behind".
His son (coincidentally my age) passed away earlier in the year from an aneurism.
Even though Mom didn't leave me with a step father (or a father) who had any form of relationship with me, she did leave me with a surrogate something or other. Rather almost a cross between stepfather, uncle, mentor and friend. Inadvertently, she also left him with a surrogate daughter whom he knows will be there when needed.
Just a phone call away.
Not because that's what Mom would have wanted, but because I understand and because I'm basically all he has left.
and because he's truly alone - except for me.
1 comment:
What a very touching blog. It is hard to comment with tears in my eyes. Family is not always related by blood or even through marriage.
I think we find our family sometimes like we find our pets - purely by accident.
I recently lost my ex-husband, who oddly enough was a soul mate but not one I could ever live with. We had remained close even through his remarriage to wife number one. And I find myself in the strange place of not having an official reason for mourning.
Our culture has created such complicated relationships. Doesn't matter if you can explain it or not. What matters is how you both feel.
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