Y!360 Flashback - Letter to My Younger Self

this post was originally written on Yahoo 360, 11/21/06

Stephanie,

I know you won't pay a lick of attention to this because let's face it, at 18 you think you know everything. What you don't realize is the world is ahead of you and if you just think it through you'll find there are so many more options than you see now.

I probably should tell you that sometime in January 83 (the date escapes me now) whatever rather haphazard birth control you're using will fail and yes the doctors have been wrong all this time. It is NOT the end of the world and so many people want to support whatever decisions you make. These people are not the ones screaming at you that you're ruining their life - these are the people who do truly love you. MARRIAGE IS A CHOICE !!!! When you're so very ill in mid summer you do not have to turn to someone who lives their life in a bottle. Other family members are there but they don't know how to approach you. You've always been so very brittle about accepting help.

What you don't realize in your fear, knowing that the father is an alcoholic who's family despises you and who you find you trust less and less, what you need to remember, is this little guy who will be appearing in your life in November will be the most important person in your life. Don't worry about keeping a family together or stopping a very dedicated alcoholic from drinking himself to death: pick yourself up - DO NOT MOVE BACK IN WITH YOUR MOTHER !! - and take your son and LEAVE.

Remember you can do anything if you only put your mind to it. You'll find that out MUCH further down the road. Pride is a wicked wicked fault of yours - pride and fear. You need to lose both.

I want you to do 3 easy things:

• Quit smoking
• Go back to school - major in computer science - you're good at it - and minor in music. Scholarships are your friends.
• Learn to believe IN YOURSELF !!!

Oh and on a sad note: take pictures, save memories - all you can - of Debbie. You'll lose her much much too soon and you'll regret forever that you have so little tangible to remember her by. Cherish her while she's with you. Ask her counsel - she really does know you best and will tell you the truths I am trying to convey here.

signed: a much older and sadly wiser Stephanie

p.s. When you finally DO move out on your own with Robert - do NOT get married again - at least not for a very long time. Needing you or the semblence of such does not equate love. You have always been so worthy of love if you only realized that sooner your life (and others) would've been much easier. Also - go track Gary Gackstatter down - he should be roaming around Ponca City - and keep track of him. He'll be important to your music - and sanity - later.

**the photo is from Rehoboth Beach July 2009