It is amazing the changes that just a few days can make in your life.
Mom passed away yesterday afternoon. She had appeared to be making a rally attempt last weekend and was able to talk (instead of being hoarse ala laryngitis) and was pretty critical of life -- in other words rather like her normal self. Monday night I noticed she was pretty weak and shakey but still a bit demanding so I wasn't that concerned. I figured she was just very tired -- she was also on some new medications.
Then late Monday night she was sent to the hospital in respiratory distress. She wasn't conscious or responding really. Due to her advance directives she wasn't supposed to be intubated but that information wasn't available to the emergency physicians -- at first anyway.
I will say as soon as they realized they asked what I wanted done. Since she wasn't conscious so I couldn't ask her, I went with what we'd discussed the week before and what her papers said ... no extraordinary means.
They removed the intubator and just put her on 15 litres of O2 (via rebreather mask) and IV (in case she needed pain meds ), and placed her in the hospice room upstairs. It's a nice quiet private room with comfy sofas and chairs and no monitors. A nice room -- except for the reason for it that is.
Jon and I were there when she began the long journey that night and we were there when it ended yesterday afternoon.
I know it's actually a blessing this has went all so very fast -- only 3 weeks really -- from the original ambulance call late on a Wednesday night 3 weeks ago to the dismissal from the hospital to the rehab hospital 1 1/2 weeks ago to her death yesterday. We only found out about the lung cancer last week. She was due to have an oncology appointment next Tuesday when we'd discuss hospice and palliative care options. We were still working on paperwork.
I know it's a blessing in my head -- realli I do. My heart just knows she's gone.
*****
***the photo above was taken in February 2006. Mom loved the snow and would take pictures and pictures of it (though this picture is mine -- she preferred the non digital method). Earlier this week I noticed a few spring flowers trying to peek through the cold ground and I realized Mom would probably never see the spring. Sadly I was right.
5 comments:
Finding the right words to bring comfort is never easy at times like this. But I am sure you will look back and be glad that her suffering was not prolonged and be comforted knowing you were there as she made her last journey. Look after yourself.
I am so sorry....My heart and warm thoughts go to you.
Hugs and much love, darling... and maybe a pint.
I apologize for being such a stranger here. You have had an awful time in the last few months and my heart is with you. Losing a parent is never easy but it is a blessing when it goes quickly. My father spent 7 weeks in ICU on a respirator they would not remove because Missouri did not recognize living wills. My sister, Mother and I had to fight to be allowed to let him die as was his wish.
I sure hope spring brings with it an upturn in the events of your life.
Thank you all.
It has been difficult and even though I know it's for the best it's definitely not been easy.
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