Staking my claim

I am hereby reclaiming my life.

I cannot choose how others act but I can choose how I re-act to their actions.

I cannot always choose the circumstances, but I can choose to adapt to them.

I have the power over how I feel.

*******
I've been slacking off recently, not going to the gym and not watching what I eat, all in the guise of "well I've been depressed." Guess what? That's Bullshit. Yes some things have happened recently. Some of them have been posted here. Some have been posted elsewhere. Some just conveyed quietly to friends. Still other things I have been quietly attempting to deal with on my own.

So yes it sucks - majorly - many of the things that have happened in the last few years. However, I have my health, I have my job, and dammit I have my choices.

Henceforth, I will be responsible for myself and my choices.

I choose:

• To watch what I eat, when I eat and more importantly what I eat
• To excercise with some semblence of regularity because it makes ME feel good
• To attempt to learn a new task or skill each day
• To live without the actions of other affecting my behaviour
• To live without fear or regret
• To understand that Jon's disease is just that - his disease and his responsibility
• To focus on the positive
• To understand each new day is just that - a new day; a new beginning.

So that's that. Sometimes it just has to be said. Sometimes it has to be read.
Sometimes it just has to be.
*****
I took the photo above last year in Washington. The city squirrels are afraid of nothing. That chutzpah is something I rather admire. Perhaps I should take a page from their book eh?

Waiting waiting waiting

Last week I joined a gym. It had been a long time coming and it was really needed. Since I've moved here I've been pretty sedentary what with no yard to mow, no cows to milk, no huge gardens [side note - my back yard is smaller than my smallest garden in Kansas] ... you get the drill. I'd been sitting on my butt ...

....which has gotten bigger and bigger. Add to that the fact that I quit smoking via the cheezits method (a box a day for a while --- I wish I was kidding but hey I've been smoke free for 6 years this March 24th) and my shape was not a good shape.

I'm also worried about the health concerns. I'm a near-to-mid-40s female. If I don't fix it now it won't ever get fixed.

So yes --- I ponied up the $$$ to join Golds. I even ponied up a few more $$$ to get a personal trainer for a few sessions. I figure in for a penny in for a pound and all that jazz...besides it had to be done so I gritted my teeth ....

....and found I actually like it. No really -- there's just something rather wonderful about doing something for yourself and no one else ! Even if other people have to wait --- they have to wait :) That hour per day is mine and whoa does it ever go FAST ! However, I came home last night to find that Jon had started supper for me and everything. That hasn't happened in forever.

Maybe this gym thing has some other extra perks eh?

Maybe sometimes being a little bit selfish isn't a bad thing after all .....

**the picture above is of Archimedes -- my oldest son's Russian Blue. I took that last summer and it's of Archimedes watching for his 'daddy' to come home. Oddly - the Ford Escape he's looking at happens to *be* Robert's car ......

Apprehension - let me show you it

Sorry, that's a bit of a nod to my renfaire friends LOL

Today - this morning @ 9 a.m. in fact - I go in to finally get my teeth worked on.

Damage? nearly 10K No I didn't misplace a zero.

I will get bone grafts, a fixed bridge, rootplaning and gum debriedment (not the word THEY use but what it is), fillings, and possibly a cleaning.

It will be under sedation. You don't touch my touchy gums/teeth without some form of drugs.

To say I'm apprehensive would be an understatement.

To say I'm just a bit excited at my *new* smile would not be an overstatement.

I'm just so very fortunate that Jon is coming and holding my hand. I could face abdominal surgery with less trepadition.